wallflower

I live a notoriously quiet life compared to some people in my life.

I don't have too many people I would consider my friends, and the ones I do have are mostly online. Tho I do enjoy hanging out with the ones I have in real life, sometimes I prefer to be by myself. It may be a habit that was brought upon me because i never was good at making friends since like primary school. I was the easy bully target weird quiet kid with no friends, and i think it took a toll on how i view the world now. I was miserable back then, and kids can be brutal sometimes. 

A recent good habit I have developed is reading outside. I am very happy this is the case, because i used to read and write a lot more when i was a lot younger, but school ruined it for me and it was no longer something i did for leisure. It was something i did as like homework. I blame the education system. I also used to not leave my room for weeks at a time, only coming out for a meal or two, or to occasionally wash my hair. I would enclose myself and rot away in my room. And I think at that point in my life I just disappeared completely. 

But I am happier now. 

I learned some nice spots to sit and read and listen to music. To just embrace nature and enjoy the little things in life, not just having to go out and partying with people like a lot of my peers. I wish more people, especially young people, would notice the way the sun bounces off of a building, or a bird's song, or the small flowers on the side of the path, or the pattern of the train schedule. Sometimes you don't need to spend money to be happy. In my opinion, picking fruit from a bush or going on a walk at sunset can give just as much happiness as a night out, but the only difference is that you wake up without a hangover. 

so basically I think everything mundane is beautiful if you look at it with love.

But tho i like being alone. that's not to say that i do often miss my friends.