My attachment

I will always find myself going back, no matter how much I have, no matter how much I've changed. I will always go back to that night, to that hill,To you.

You were mesmerizing, that night, in the rain, in the waves of the beach, and I could never pull my eyes away from you. I never tried to, because you were out of my reach, so all I could do was look.

I always think about your touch—your arms holding mine, your lips touching mine, your forehead against mine—and how I will never be able to touch you. How I hadn't and how I never will.

I still search for you in everything I do, in every little thing that I have, and in every place I go.

That night on the beach, I kept thinking of you—the way the waves hit the shore, the ocean glowing beautifully under the moon, the rocks on the shore, the cold wind, everything, exactly as you said. Everything there reminded me of you in ways I didn't even think was possible.

To know that no matter what I do, you and I could never be together, to know is harder than to accept because my mind knows, yet my heart still keeps yearning and looking for you.

I still stay up late at night and imagine your hands around mine, the way you’d smile at the little things, the way you never could hide how you felt, the way any type of water activity always made you excited, the way you’d look at me, and I never could look away from you.

Even now, I cry about you, and I always feel dumb about it because I know you don’t like seeing me cry. You’d brush away my tears and hold my face, holding me in ways I wish you still do, looking at me in ways no one ever could, making me feel like no one will ever be able to, not after you.

At night, I stay awake, haunted by the thought of how we were and how we could’ve been.

And I will never forget how much you’ve made me feel, how it felt to look at you so close yet so far out of my reach, it hurt, yet I couldn't bring myself to call it pain because it was you.