murder gun murder (6.28.23)

hello world its me isaac again

summer is still not that good. or maybe it's just me who's not that good. but whatever, onwards and upwards, right? anyway, i got two new sweaters, and yesterday my friend (codenamed) Allie invited me to this live poetry reading night at a small cafe. my english teacher and a couple other people i barely know were there. seeing my english teacher outside of school was weird, i think i made a bad impression bc i said "the government killed keith haring with aids". what i meant to say was, "the neglect of aids due to the government's homophobia and lack of knowledge on the subject indirectly caused the death of keith haring and many others". but i sounded like a conspiracy theorist. i still feel really bad about it.

but yea, it was fun for the most part. im looking forward to the next one. other than that, i've had a lot of problems with passive suicidal ideation which i wont mention to my therapist bc my whole family is constantly having a panic attack, and me being mentally ill wont help that. so ill probably just hint at it, like "sometimes i wish i was never born" or something like that. something that isn't so direct i'll be sent to a mental hospital, but something quiet enough to get me some advice. i almost like being sad sometimes. because it's normal. when i'm happy, i worry im not happy for the right reasons and then im sad again.

i compare myself to a homing pigeon, if home is the same old bad habits.

anyway, that's all. signing off, isaac