i found a weird thing i made about my ex (0-0)

The love I felt for him is hard to explain. There are too many words to say how I felt, but the main ones are happy and safe. I never feel at home in my room or even with family, but I finally felt safe and at home with him. All my fear and sadness would disappear when I was with him. He made me feel confident even when I was at my lowest point. he stayed when no one else would, and he understood that I will be hard to deal with, but he still stayed, and I wish he still stayed even after hearing those lies, but his heart could not take that pain and he had to leave so he wouldn't feel any more pain that I would put him through and I truly wish I could have been a better person or maybe not hung out with anyone but sadly I can not change the past but I promise if I could I truly would, because I would love to feel that feeling of love and joy he gave me every day, sure we had our inconvenience’s but we never let that change us. he saw through my anger and tears and saw someone who just needed a hug and someone to tell them that their proud of them, but things will change, even if it will hurt, and even if it makes us separate to the point of no contact. Still, if it is true love then we’ll always meet again, even if it's in a different life-time or even if it is in a couple of months or years but if it's true then we’ll meet once again. but for now, I will have to watch as he's in pain, I can't help because I dont know how, I can't help myself so how will I help him, I just hope that he will find someone that won't hurt him and he will find someone that will forever make him happy, unlike I did, I made him over think and feel bad, I blew up at him and the cried for yelling, I changed up but I never meant to, I never meant to scare him away, but I just dont know what love is and it is hard for me to control how I feel, I wish I wasn't like this and I wish I was better so he could have stayed. but I didn't change, and now he's gone. and now I will never have that warm sweet love that he gave me and I will never find that one-of-a-kind love ever again because the love he gave me filled that hole that I've had in my heart for 3 years of my life and no matter what I've tried it never filled that hole but he filled it. and now that I have had that feeling of it being full I want more, but I won't get more, because I have lost my one chance to make him mine, and I will never have that beautiful chance ever again. -april 9 3:39 PM 2023