28/6/23

28/6/23

Dear friend,

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this going for. SpaceHey is more like a waste of time for me more than anything, a distraction, to keep me busy. I post bulletins there, some better some worse, I don’t know why. I feel lonely, but not a lonely type of lonely, more like an empty type. A line from Pavement’s song “Gold Soundz” sums this up “And you’re the kind of girl I like, because you’re empty, and I’m empty”. I’m looking for a person who can fill the emptiness in me, even though it’s probably fruitless.

I want to feel infinite, I want to feel weightless. Since the few days since I last wrote to you, I tried to keep a streak of watching movies, but the movies progressively got so boring to the point where I stopped watching them, there’s no really interesting movies to watch. A lot of people message me on SpaceHey, I sometimes read their messages and end up forgetting, as I don’t know how to respond without coming off as weird or off putting. There’s this one person that was responding to my bulletins, I messaged them, but it’s probably wishful thinking at best.

One part of me wants to go outside, and explore the city, and another part says don’t, as there’s nothing to see and I’d rather stay at home anyway. There’s this part of I read where the character says how when you had a friend, you know how great it feels, and you can’t really handle being alone again. A year ago I had a friend, and they made me feel less empty, as we were both empty. It’s like we both filled each other with our personality and quirks. It’s true, once you know what it’s like to not be alone, you never want to be alone ever again.

In a movie I watched the main character ends up finding two friends, who end up changing his life. I think it’s more like a manic pixie dream characters than anything, I doubt my social life would improve. In a Paramore song, the singer says that her social life is a like a chiropractic appointment. I couldn’t relate to that more. 

I have a mixtape I’ve been working on, but considering I’ve already posted it a lot of times, I won’t share it. Right now I’ve been considering quitting SpaceHey, as there’s not much to see or do, and a lot of people who are fed up with my antics. Writing these letters is like screaming into the void, I don’t know why I’m setting this to public but I will.

Until I feel the need to voice my thoughts again, I’m the narrator, and this is just the prologue.

The Narrator