starting accutane soon...

so my acne has been completely out of control awful for the past year and a half, and just last month i finally decided to go to a dermatologist to do something about it. predictably, she chose to put me on accutane, a very strong medication that seems to work fairly well for a lot of people in eliminating acne. 

i had to wait a month to fully get the prescription due to legal medical requirements, but the pharmacy just told me it was finally ready. i know it's going to cost an absurd amount of money--like $100--though i don't know how long it will last me for that price. hopefully the entire six months i'm supposed to take it. the dermatologist seems concerned that it will cause me in particular to have sudden, painful acne flare-ups and cysts, so i was told to notify her immediately if something like that begins happening. meanwhile, my psychiatrist is worried about how it will affect my mood, which my dermatologist didn't really go over with me a lot. the psych said it can cause mood disregulation, and that's concerning to me because i'm already struggling with mood disregulation T~T oh and the derm said the number 1 side effect was dry lips. sigh. 

i'm just kind of worried. i feel like medication that's supposed to work for everyone doesn't really work for me for some reason, and if i do this expensive treatment for 6 months and all that happens is me being moody + having dry lips, i'm going to be beyond disappointed and annoyed. i'm hoping the dermatologist actually thinks accutane will help me, and didn't just prescribe it because it's the go-to when anyone comes to her for acne problems. 

we'll see, though! i'm going to get off of work and then go and pick up the pills. idk if i'll start it immediately tonight or wait until next week, but it's happening one way or another. i hope it doesn't kill me </3