Help?

Does anybody in here suffer from something similar like this?

It feels like a numbness in my body where i cannot feel my emotions, this can become a real struggle in my daily life.

i cant talk about it to anybody since i cannot let them know how fragile i am. I struggle with bonding with my classmates or anyone for that matter or make friends that will stay. I always try and help other people and give them advice but never for myself because i do not have anybody i feel like asking for help. i suffer to strive alone with my own self thoughts.

The only reason i am alive right now is because i hope i can change myself for the better. Whatever is wrong with me will change eventually. i have tried therapists online but none of them have seen to help me. Nothing has worked out for me, nothing ever has. I have massive blanks in my memory where i sometimes cannot remember days or weeks of my own life. I hate myself, my face, my body, my life and i am 99 percent sure my absence will make no difference just like my presence in this world. i am more of a back up friend to everyone at this point and i am mostly left alone everyday. i have never intentionally hurt anybody unless they have hurt me, i try to revise but i do not know how yet my grades are at an above average rate and my test scores are good. I sit in my room and listen to music when i can. i write, read, barely get sleep for a reason i do not know of and watch my shows if i can do that and if i am bothered and draw. This is basically all i do with my life. 

I never really get excited anymore about doing stuff, its mostly just a reaction of numbness and self pity. Sometimes when i see other people i feel like i should not be alive there and looking at them. i feel like i do not exist. like a figment of somebody's imagination. 

- Friend and DM me to chat or give ideas!^^