Random rant ig?

i have this friend who is an amazing person and i legit love them with all my heart, but sometimes talking to them makes me feel guilty.

They’re one of my only friends who i feel comfortable venting to, or even just talking about personal things in general. But sometimes when we’re talking i feel really guilty because they’ve been through so much as a kid, way more than i ever have and it makes me feel insignificant. I haven’t got many people to talk to about things so i’ve stopped going to them about my personal matters.

it’s not like they’ve personally said to my face that my problems don’t matter or anything, but i’ve seen them talk to me about others and how they think some people are being ungrateful just because their trauma is worse than that of most others.

I have a friend and we’ll call him K, and the friend i’m talking about we’ll call them G.

K comes from a pretty rich family, definitely upper middle class but he’s been through some pretty heavy stuff, as well as bullying and such, but he doesn’t really open up about much aside from just saying he has trauma, he’s told me about it before but not G. G has been through some incredibly rough things, and they aren’t poor or anything but they aren’t as rich as K. A lot of the times G complains to me about how they think K is just spoiled and self centred just because they have money, even though they’re not obligated to open up about their trauma.

Don’t get me wrong, G is a really nice person but sometimes i’m scared they might get a similar impression of me, and because of it i’ve stopped coming to them if i need to vent.

I really love G tho and i don’t want to lose them. Every time something happens between us i always overthink it to an almost unhealthy level and cry about it, and the worst part is it’d usually be over something small and stupid like if i feel like they might be ignoring me if they don’t reply to a text i sent on a group chat where they reply to the others but not so much my texts.

I spiral and think about what i might’ve done wrong and blame myself for things that i probably shouldn’t because they’re completely out of my control.

But they’ve also been there for me when i was at some pretty low points this year and for that i’m forever grateful.

But i’m also scared that maybe they’re not the best for me to hold on to.

I have a tendency to ignore red flags and because of that i’ve been caught in a lot of toxic relationships. They’re a great friend but sometimes i can’t help but hold on to things they’ve said and think that maybe it’s a red flag that i shouldn’t be ignoring. 

For example we once had to do a group discussion for something in school, and when the conversation was getting a bit heated they brought up my parents in a context implying that my words were meaningless because my relationship with my parents was still pretty shit.

It was totally out of context and honestly pretty hurtful since it wasn’t true, and my relationship with my parents was caused due to different reasons, and i didn’t mention their parents or their relationship with them at all.

They apologized afterwards but it still lingers in my mind and ig i sort of count it as a red flag.

I still hang out with G, but should i still keep them as a close friend? or am i just overthinking it?

 feel free to vent in the comment if you need to :)

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✰ Ccc ✰'s profile picture

I'm just some stranger internet, but here is just some I have been I A LOT of toxic friendships and there are definitely some red flag from G. You should never be scared to talk to a friend. Your friendship with G sound almost codependent (please correct me if im wrong) especially how you describe yourself crying for they to respond to you in a group chat and wanting to hold on to they. They it not be the right person for you now, even if they helped you when you in some low points things, try to distance yourself from they for a bit, if you really want a friendship with G don’t keep them as a close friend. About the last thing if they apologized afterwards it doesn't change anything they still chose to say it and totally out of context. To me at last it sounds like they just said that to hurt you and win an arguments. And the just judging K for being rich is a bit weird and from what you wrote G doesn’t know everything about what K has been thought G has not right to be judging K. Sorry that this is long I hope this help as a different perspective

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yea that makes a lot of sense thx so much <3

by 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦_𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦; ; Report


spookss's profile picture

I think maybe you should be cautious. From what you've said here I can't really tell if G is genuinely doing stuff like this on purpose (like ignoring you, mentioning your parents etc etc), or just maybe doesn't know how to interact or does so without thinking. It's hard to tell if there's malice behind their actions basically. But they sound nice enough especially if you've been able to trust them thus far? just try to be wary I suppose. And btw if you ever need someone to talk to my IMs are always open, to get an outside opinion or even just listening :D. But I do hope your situation gets better :)/.

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also yes like the person below said communication is key, and you should probably mention how you feel to G.

by spookss; ; Report

okk thanks for giving an insight on it though :))

by 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦_𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦; ; Report

♡☆Hellhoe Kitty☆♡

♡☆Hellhoe Kitty☆♡'s profile picture

Hun, doesn't really matter if G is a good person or not, if they push you to the point where any inconvenience makes you overthink, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. But as always, communication is key. You should try talking to them without being afraid. If you put it in a nice way and try your best to not sound like you are blaming them (without crushing yourself, of course) they should be fine with it. If they really care about you and if they really are a mature person, they should be able to take it. However, if they react harshly and can't take any criticism, it will be a big sign for you, then they are not worth your time. You seem to be a kind heart, I am pretty sure you will meet many more good people who are deserving of you.
I wish you the best, hope it all goes well ♡

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tysm for the advice and for your kind words!! it means a lot to me, and i’ll def try to talk it out with them :)

by 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦_𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘦; ; Report