ignore the razor on your bedside table

so excuse the intrusion, this isn't my place.

i guess i have to put my money where my mouth is and the blade to my skin for real this time. i hope i give myself oil burns beyond recognition tomorrow. i am shit- no way around it. i'll never be a good person as long as i try. i'm always fucking doomed to be the villain. i'm toxic. i'll hurt you if you get too close and even just fucking saying that out loud will hurt you. fuck. i just want to tell him i'm sorry. i really do. but even that is fucking selfish. i hope i drown. i hope i choke on my own fucking blood.