Bittersweet Dreams

Being trans and having a dream where you're in the correct body is definitely Something. Painful. Great in the moment. Usually in these dreams I find a mirror and see myself then stare into it. And that's all I do, sometimes. Just take a good long look at myself. 

I'll eventually leave, either running to tell my partner the good news or to resume whatever the dreams main plot was or something.

But then I wake up and I'm still in the wrong body. Which is depressing. But it's still nice to have a tidbit of euphoria here and there. It's interesting. 

If I was any stupider, I would believe in the brain sex theory. Which is the idea that there are stark differences between the brains of males and females, and hypothetically you could get a brain scan or somethin' to see if you've got a male brain or female brain. The evidence is not in this theories favor. If brains have a sex, then 99% of humans are bigender, because there is that much overlap. But I would understand just assuming that its real and assuming that there's some biological drive behind being trans. 

Because it just feels so RIGHT. In my best dreams I see myself. I get a mood boost after every t-shot. I feel so, so good lately. I feel so right lately. I haven't even gotten any surgeries, but the changed hrt has done to my body have made me so, so happy. I can't believe transphobes who tell me I'll regret this.

I've been on T for around three years. I started at a low dose, as I was afraid of regretting it, so I went slow. Low dose means low & slow changes. But as time went on, I realized I wanted more. And now that I'm on a much higher dose, I just fucking feel happier man. I get depressed when I'm a day late to my shot, and then a few hours after it I feel like the world has color again. It's so wonderful. 

I'm growing a mustache. I "have" one right now. The new hair under my lip is all thin and translucent. It's a bit visible. But not enough to be able to call it a mustache. 

Don't really know why I'm posting this. Just wanted to get my perspective out there I guess. 

People say they don't get trans people, don't support 'em, whatever. This is what makes me happy. To navigate each and every day using a body that I love. To be called "sir" by strangers even when I'm wearing pink clothing. So many people think it's all self-hate, but transition is one of the purest forms of self-love that there can be, I think. 

Well. I guess that's the blog. tldr transsexualism is the secret to eternal happiness Goodbye love you talk to you later ok im hanging up bye