Am I going crazy?

22 June 2023

Dear friend, 

Today is another day of my early holiday. My parents let me have the last week of the school term off, as there isn’t any assignments or anything left anyway. You just sit in class, with nothing to do. I’ve watched some movies lately, they’ve influenced me in a way I haven’t felt since I stopped watching Mr. Robot because it was getting boring. Well, I guess I should share the newer events first. I finished Fight Club a few minutes ago. I wouldn’t give any spoilers, but it was Mr. Robot, except it was the original, and a million times better. 

Earlier today I decided to read the book version of the movie I watched yesterday, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’ve gone over halfway through it already. Since the start of my early holiday, I’ve spent my time mostly confined to my room, on the internet, as the hours mindlessly pass by. I’ve noticed that my social skills have probably declined. I can’t stand talking to people. Today I was ordering a drink from the boba tea shop I regularly go to, and I couldn’t help but feel so low tempered when talking to the employee.

I’ve heard about Bo Burnham’s movie Inside where he slowly loses his mind, as he is cooped inside during the 2020 pandemic. I should watch it sometime, I’m afraid I might be slowly going inside like him. Nothing feels real right now, and the days blur into one another. In fact, sometimes I wish I could live like one of the movie characters, have an interesting life. But that would probably never happen. It’s not like some manic pixie dream girl is going to appear anytime soon.

Should I turn these “letters” into a book like what Stephen Chbosky did to write The Perks of Being a Wallflower? The last time I tried to turn my day-to-day life into a story in the form of a screenplay, I ended up turning it into fantasy, and making it seem more interesting than it actually is. I ended up just dropping it, as the real reason behind writing a screenplay was to impress some strangers on the internet who probably don’t care anyways, and didn’t bother to read some stupid screenplay.

In a little over 2 weeks, the between term holidays will end, and I will return to sitting in the same boring classroom, with the same boring people, and the same boring teachers. What would be different? If somehow during these 2 weeks I could positively change my life, perhaps I will break out of this cycle, perhaps I will feel infinite (Obvious Wallflowerreference)

Well, it’s nice taking to you imaginary friend.