Don't know what to call this but I think that title makes sense, at least for now. Let me know if you've got something better to call it! I'll slot it into the philosophy category and call this a vaguely phenomenological approach to experimentally explore an issue :P
I feel down, and perhaps a bit anxious. And the nerves I understand but the apathy is coming from within in a way that feels untraceable but powerful in a way that has the capacity to ruin things for me. It's sort of an inability to care for things I think I'd like that would enrich my life, that I can't redo or get to eventually.
That's when the "metacognition" came into play, it felt like I was outside my own head, psychoanalyzing (in no specific tradition) myself, realizing my emotions are controlling me in a way that wasn't reliant on outside stimuli.
Now I'm not saying my sleep and perhaps diet aren't contributing, I just mean nothing particularly upsetting happened outside my control. I usually blame this kind of feeling on my hormones because I've noticed a trend of hopelessness around and during my period, but I'm not too sure about how it follows through toward the end. I'd believe it to be the case though so I know I'll be okay and the apathy will pass soon enough, not sure what damage will be done because of it though. Nothing un-survivable or irreparable though (I find myself not having the spoons to be very social).
Regardless, the amount of separation between the way my emotions are orienting me toward my situation versus my "logical" brain combating that feels notable. It's definitely happened before but I've trapped that feeling now and want to dissect it a bit, maybe sit in it because it's new and a little uncomfortable.
I will say it's helpful because I'm not totally consumed in the negative emotions. I'm able to say "things are well, but I'm not in this moment" instead of thinking because I'm feeling bad everything is bad. That's a win I'll happily take.
It's a struggle between what my body "wants" and feels able to handle versus the self that has to live in the future and deal with the consequences of what the body doesn't feel able to do. And maybe I don't push the physical form more than it can handle lest I cause the emotions to stay longer, but if they're just my silly little hormones mad I didn't have a child it feels like I shouldn't let that win because it's more of a misfire than a real communicating of a need. That's the dilemma, and it's definitely situation dependent. Kinda wanna sit in it and do my best, I guess I can update what I do and if it works for the next time this happens.
That brings on a whole other discussion of problematically distancing oneself from ones body, especially if one menstruates and is feminine because of the shame surrounding natural body processes*. Then there's a second discussion as to whether the consciousness and the body should be taken as two separate entities that can be in conflict.
Regardless, one day I'll break through the shame or conflict and figure out what's going on, if medicine can tell, I believe research/solutions regarding the uterus are often limited.
For now I'll learn about myself and be grateful I'm not totally consumed by the apathy!
*I make a distinction because I mean to discuss to my feelings; it's a socially enforced shame rather than an internal dysphoria that I'm referring to. This aside came from one of my thesis readings, glad to know they've stuck with me. I wanna say this idea comes from Menstrual Meditations by Iris Marion Young.