graffiti is really inspiring to me right now

i recently went on a trip to a big city, and i loved it, which i honestly was not anticipating because i live under a rock and i was fully prepared to be overwhelmed, socially anxious, freaking out, etc. (i am very proud of myself because hey guys!! exposure therapy DOES work!!!!!!) i saw a lot of things that were nothing like back home here. actually, i would say nothing was similar. like, not even my accent or language. my skin was totally different, and my hair, and my clothes. i didnt even leave my home state. (people who say americans never leave their bubble or experience other cultures has never been to an american city I LITERALLY WALKED THROUGH A CHINATOWN EXPECTING IT TO BE LIKE A TOURIST TRAP - IT WASNT! IT WAS LITERALLY JUST CHINESE PEOPLE EXISTING! I COULDNT READ A SINGLE SIGN OR UNDERSTAND A SINGLE PERSON THERE!!!)

anyways, one thing that was different was the art. i usually have a very strong hatred of urbanism and modernity because all of the "cities" i've been to throughout my life (nothing like the one i just recently visited) has been large masses of grey. on the road, on the sidewalk, on the buildings, in the buildings, in the sky, in the water, everywhere. it's summer here and it isn't just green, the light through the trees is golden, and it will soon be red, and the water is a deep blue, and the stones sparkle, and the green fields are filled with white and pink and just rainbows. so i kind of hated cities. even their lights are artificially grey, because yellow fire-light is too imprecise i guess.

it wasn't like that at all there. even all the garbage on the sidewalks in the slums by the airbnb we stayed at was colorful. it was like. i dont know. a reminder that life existed there. there was construction right next to our apartment, and just behind it was a building painted in rainbows. you couldnt even tell where the grey square windows started and ended. i loved it.

even on trash cans, or on torn apart chainlink and fabric fences, there was some spray of color, and i really loved it. even though most of it was incomprehensible slang written in the same copy-pasted font, it was nice. you could see who was practiced and who wasn't, and it was sometimes nice to see the same name/phrase repeated in the same style as you walked along. like. hey! someone else was here before me! in all the same places as me!

i also love how to-the-point it was. i love classical art and i don't think i'll ever not love oil paintings, but i also love just being stupid and nonsensical. i feel disillusioned with most of modern western life. and the alternatives are places that would skin me for a million reasons, so i'm kinda stuck in this uptight-takes-itself-too-seriously world, and you know what, sometimes what a person needs in that stupid world is a shitty half-covered-up spray painted cat on a garbage can. or a "fuck this one cafe" or "i was here" or literally anything goofy that makes you feel anything other than rage or disappointment. i don't think those are the only two emotions that have any importance in human life. well i guess everyone thinks love matters too but that feels like a word more than anything at this point with how much it's been corrected

i used to love art. i mean i still do, duh, but i wanted nothing more than to become an artist. from pre-school through high school. in high school i was told i should probably start looking at a real career path and i gave up on art. (still haven't found a real career yet, sorry.) i can't even just pick it back up because it isn't like drawing a bike. i used to draw eyes everywhere - in hindsight, maybe because i always feel watched. in the country everyone knows everyone and everyone talks about everything and nothing i do is not monitored, remembered, or mocked. i liked being in the city a lot for that. everyone was in their own little world, and my brother complained it makes people mean, but nobody there was mean to me. i dont think anybody cared at all, really. and then i come back here and its SO WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE from everyone and their mom, again.

i like the idea that something as simple as this can be art.

and it is, to me. just putting your feelings and thoughts onto something cold and grey and lifeless. i know this word is over-used a lot, but i do like how unapologetic it is. if i did that here everyone would know who it was, because they know where everyone is all the time and what they're doing, it would just be a process of elimination. and then more judgement. but someone just came up and made that and nobody who walks by knows it, but they get to see it, and experience it, and think about it even if it's something as simple as a positive/negative reaction before immediately forgetting about it. i don't think it would even matter if they did it in broad daylight, because they're not like a summary of everything they have done, they're just a human who's there with paint in hand making a thing that says that and it reflects who they are in that moment. and it's only this thing that they chose, in that moment, to be immortalised (if you can even call it that, i'm sure it'll be removed in some way eventually) about who they will have been in the past.

even the chalk on the street.

i love the color