WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? [6/18/23]

Lately I’ve been feeling lost. Just a couple months ago I had this big plan but now that forces outside of my control have shut that plan down, I’m not sure what I should be doing with myself. I left my job for this and now I have nothing to do. It’s not the biggest deal in the world, it’s not like I have to pay rent, but it still leaves me with so much time on my hands. I have so many ideas and goals that I would like to work towards, but it feels like they are locked behind a wall I’m not allowed to access yet. I’m not sure why. This has been a big issue for me all my life. I recognize that I have so much ambition, so why can’t I get it done? Things I have been saying I’ll do for weeks have yet to be completed, actions that will put me on great paths for my career just aren’t happening. I can’t blame anyone but me though. I just don’t know why. Why can’t I get up and do it? I know I want to. I want to so bad.

While I’m in this jobless state (Urg), I figured I would do some soul searching. I’ve always really enjoyed hiking, so I figured it would be a good use of my time to reconnect with nature and such. I plan to visit National parks in my area, kayak more, take long hikes, and hopefully keep my workout schedule intact. I’m worried that these desires will just end up on the back burner with all of my other stuff. But I guess we’ll see what happens.