Vent

I've just been rlly depressed lately. I've not been able to brush my teeth in like 3 weeks, I did brush them alternatively though between a week idk.

Either way, that's not my point. I seriously don't know what to think. Ever since the the school sh event from like 5-6 weeks ago, I just feel like I do things for no purpose at all. It feels like nobody believes what I say. It's like they're telling me "you're just young and rlly delusional". But it's happening right in front of me!!! How am I too "young" to understand that?? Maybe I am delusional.

I don't think I have any irl friends anymore, ppl I'm attached to.  I just get attached to ppl so easily n then sabotage myself cus I feel bad. My last friend (whom I called Chino), just started acting like he's disspointed in me. He won't sit with me in lunch anymore, he won't talk to me unless I initiate a conversation. My last fp (whom I called Eden), was the last straw. N then it went apeshit. Not just to my social issue but to my mental health in general. 

I've gone through great lengths to start talking ppl online, which I'm not good with either. I wanna say smth else but idk if it's right to say it out loud.... 

I just feel like relapsing into sh again, it's just not fair. I'm itching.

Im still waiting for a response from the therapist, I seriously need to break down.

Edit: I've just been told to "pray and believe in god" by another adult n it further proves my point that I'm delusional. Idk if it'll help n I keep refusing to cuz I highly doubt it'll change anything. There's nothing spiritually happening with me lol