Christianity and Transsexuality.

The transgender experience is a discouraging one to say the least. People revile you. Multiple religious organizations and denominations see you as nothing but repulsive. At best you are a people in need of help. Broken by demons and made to mock the perfect creations of the Lord. At worst you are living proof of the sin that has corrupted this temporary world, a debauched earth repeating history, embracing a return to Sodom and Gomorrah. You inherently stand against the church, so if you try to side with it, it must be with the intention of corruption. Your only purpose in the church is to gut it from the inside out.

Most see this rejection and accept it. Light can not coexist with darkness, cold with hot. A forbidden blend which only results in that which is lukewarm, and God reviles the lukewarm. They turn to live their lives without the Lord. Who can blame them? If they are abomination to God himself, then they can simply renounce him and not worry themselves with thoughts of sin and salvation. This acceptance of the status quo often leads to a complete rejection of religion itself. If Christianity means to treat transgenders as a disease ridden pest to be exterminated, then it must be exterminated itself. The treatment of Christians from transgenders is in no way as drastic and violent as the treatment that transgenders face from many Christians, but this dichotomy is still present. I see many who have faced this awful rejection from Christians in the past and accept it as a fundamental component of Christianity. This leads to hostility towards it, an urge to dismantle that which has hurt you. 

But there are the stubborn ones. Ones who have time and time again been assaulted by others in the name of the Lord, but still seek refuge in him. Ones who despite all the hardships and rejection and absolute helplessness, still want to reconcile their perceived sin and faith. 

The experience of a transgender Christian is an isolating one. Not many share your positions. To many, we are the lukewarm water which is spit out by God. We are delusional in believing that acceptance or salvation is possible for us. But I still want to believe. I still want to fucking believe. I want to believe there is a God who loves me. There is a God who will protect me from this living hell. That I was included in those gentiles and sinners which Jesus granted salvation. That God looks down upon those who use his name to kill and abuse me and the people I hold dear over and over again like he looked down upon the scribes and Pharisees who seeked to stone the woman taken into adultery.  Didn't Jesus himself say, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone?" What makes those who persecute me so sure that they themselves are not reviled by the Lord? What makes them think they are any different from the Pharisees and scribes that Jesus always stood in conflict with? Why can Jesus be merciful to adulterer, to the thief, to the dammed, but you can not bring yourself to take mercy on the transvestite? Why am I inhuman to you? Unworthy of that which Jesus granted to you, despite your uncleanliness, despite your sin. 

I do not want to believe that I am the darkness which cannot coexist with light. In reality all that I am is human. I am a sinner like all man is. I am simply a man just like any other man, born with inherent flaws and a curse which leads to me to sin. My identity as a Christian is as fundamental to me as my identity as a transsexual. It was something I was born into, an identity I can not reject or control. I believe these two identities can coexist. They are not light and darkness but fundamental to me as a person. I do not believe that my identity as a transsexual is something which keeps me from the Lord. I do not see it as a blessing either. It has caused me pain and rejection, self hated and denial, but is is an undeniable part of me. It is hard for me to find joy in that which caused me so much despair, but there is no point to me lingering in self pity for something which is inherent to me. It hurts to see my people persecuted over and over again for something we can not control. It hurts even more when I see my people going to church, embracing their faith and seeking the Lord, and then being treated as rats who who want to tear down the church from the inside out. As I see my people fight for their rightful place in the church, I wish I could do the same. I wish I could support them in this fight for basic human decency from those who use the Lords name to reject our humanity. I hope one day I can join with them, and feel safe in a church that sees me for what I am. A sinner. A sinner like every other man that has walked the earth. A sinner which looks for repentance, for community, for a refuge and salvation.