i don't even have a title (6.15.23)

hi losers, even though i said yesterday was the official first day of summer, that was technically a lie. today was the first day of summer, and it was about as boring as you'd expect. it rained and hailed and the sky turned orange. what a wonderful start. i went down to my gma's house which is in this really shitty part of my state, but we went to a 7/11 and i got a cherry slushie and some blue raspberry sour gummies. i didn't eat them all bc i started to feel nauseous. i slept most of the day. actually, that's also a lie. i don't really sleep, i just kind of hug my pillow and talk to myself. but it's definitely resting! i watched mean girls on netflix. it was a good movie.

i feel like a total loser. my boyfriend, codenamed oakley, says he's "totally delulu" about me. i can't help but not believe him because, let's face it, i'm a super bad boyfriend, and not like the movie. i just suck. i barely ever text back, i'm dry, and as a human being, i'm generally sort of narcissistic. i'm constantly trying to impress him with my wonderful list of 10 exes but i think i just come off as kind of a total whore. i hope i don't, but yk, i can't read minds. i'm still somewhat convinced that oakley is in love with either his bff nancy or the boy he made a playlist for, neil. in reality, i don't think i really care. sometimes i wonder if i care about anything at all.

that's another problem. i don't HATE everything, i just don't LOVE anything. like, anything. not even my favorite shows and movies and not even music makes me feel better anymore. i kind of just want to sit in my bed and sleep all day. i would get into my other problem, but even that's not something i'd share with the world. let's just say i easily get addicted to things. and no, it's NOT drugs.

anyway, that's all. see you later, isaac