Little vent :/

Sorry if my English is not good,my frist language is actually Italian! :V

There will be some parts where I mention pain,suicide and things such as vomit or blood,now I start :D

I feel bad almost everyday right now,I often have nausea and I feel like I want to vomit,other times I feel disgust even when I'm happy cause I feel like something is missing from my neck,and I starts to imagine me cutting myself and/or someone cutting my throat,even while I'm writing this I feel the pain in my troath and the feeling I want to vomit a little,I didn't sleep,right now I go to sleep at 6 in the morning but today I didn't get any sleep, it's kinda cool cause I feel energetic but idk

I only have two friends and all the 3 crushes I had this year ghosted me,one ghosted me after I told her I liked her...the other just stopped talking with me after valentine and she was prob talking bad about me behind my back

I feel like I'm constantly being laughed and made fun of,I have super trust issues since I ended a short toxic friendship of mine,I just hope to get a boy/girlfriend one day and show them so much love and affection,cuddling while watching movies and other stuff couples do :D

About my crushes:they were all forced,I convinced myself that I loved them and that I wanted to live a lovely life with them forever,it worked but I cried at night cause I knew they didn't like me,right now I don't have a crush so I think I will make myself fall in love with the next person I friend....

About suicide...I tried attempting 2 times,one time when I was 8 and another time when I was 9,when I was around these ages I wrote some notes where I said good luck to my family and goodbye to my mom or where I said why I wanted to die...the frist attempt didn't go well cause my mother got home,idk what would've happened if she didn't came...

For now it's all bye :3!!<3