today was good

6/13/2023

This school year sucked and I was hoping that summer would make it better.

But I just end up doing nothing and feeling like I'm wasting time.

Because I know summer will go by fast and so I find this desperate urge to go out and make memories and hangout with people.

So whenever I spend a whole day doing nothing memorable, I feel sad.

I feel like this is such a bad mindset because even if what I did that day wasn't "memorable" enough for me, I still did it for a reason, it was fun in the moment. So really, I hadn't wasted any time. I'm wasting more time by being sad. Its just a loop that never seems to end. 

Anyway, today was a good day. I do a lot of things alone, because I can't find anybody to do them with. And so usually even if I go somewhere, I feel sad, because I'm alone and I just feel so lame and I just spend the whole time wishing I had a friend to go hangout and do stuff with.

But today I went to the ocean, alone, but I didn't feel bad about it or sad. It was fun even though I was alone and I'm glad that I was able to turn it into a fun and fulfilling day instead of feeling bad for myself. 

I stopped by the corner store first. I grabbed a package of twinkies and a white monster ultra zero, which would be my lunch.

I took the bus to the woods near the ocean. I followed paths through the trees which eventually opened up, and led me to cliffs where I would be able to see the horizon. I sat on a tall stump and stared at the ocean for a while. It was windy and cold but from where I was sitting, the trees and dead bushes sheltered me from most of the wind. 

I walked around in the woods some more but then got paranoid so I caught the bus back home.

It was a quiet day I spent alone, yet I didn't feel sad!