being autistic :(

it sucks. thats the short version. being autistic in this day and age sucks. i hate being the only person who doesnt understand a joke or having to explain that i have sensory issues and dont like being touched to family members who force me to hug them. i hate thinking im socializing normally and it turns out the people i was talking to dont like me and were subtly making fun of me the whole time. it sucks. special interests too. i hate ppl who romanticize them. my special interest right now is the game Identity V and it has been for over a year, i am so genuinely infatuated and interested in this game that i ruined one of my strongest friendships over it. it sucks. and i always accidentally make people feel like im mocking them too because i repeat what they say sometimes and instead of telling me what i did they just stop talking to me without any explanation. idk. it just sucks. someone said being autistic feels like you're the butt of a joke youve never even heard and i agree with that. idk. just sad