Journal Entry #1

Watching a movie by yourself never seems as desolate as it really is. A movie on a screen, projecting onto a couch too big for one person; Empty space desperate to be filled by warm ends. The actors move across the screen with no effort, lips contorting to the director's instruction, ending with smiles. Hand in hand with himself he looks ahead, the colors dance on his face, yellows of joy, blues of sorrow, then full black. He knows how it ends, he always does, the same movie over and over until he can't stand to hear another line. He'd imagine how lively it'd be with another, hand over shoulder maybe? Couldn't help but imagine them. How do i even put it in words. They radiated a congenial aura, nothing could be put on paper to describe the feeling they gave me. It was love, of course but of a strong manner. it wasnt just love, that was the lowest term for it, adoration couldn't even admit to it. it was an obsession, one of dangerous lengths. My chest aches for them, i cling to whatever material they give me, anything to get me by for the day. this movie was just one of those times where i'd risk it all to have them see the ending with me. the same tragedy, the brain mashing end where everyone dies. i want to hold the hands of the one who made me this way so i know that im truly indebted.