The Truth Hurts {BNo.4}

   For this blog I'm not gonna go out of my way to make art for it especially because I still need a replacement wire for my tablet but also the thought alone is just too much to sit down and think about while trying to draw.

   A lot has happened the past two or so weeks regarding family and friends and though I won't get into too much detail because it is all personal, my family and I have been doing the best we could to provide and help others we cared about deeply and it feels like the common thread has always been those people turning out to be what we had always feared as far as having to no longer trust them and view them in such ways based off of their actions.

   I always avoided issues regarding my family and friends because I held them at such high levels of respect and gratitude for existing in my life and making me happy for those little moments that things went smoothly but what about all the signs I ignored while doing so?

   After a long talk with my mom about it all and how we've been feeling (us being the main ones trying to mend all these problems) she made me realize that I maybe being used as well as her by the ones I'm also trying to protect (Those people or should a say that person since it's really only one who truly has an issue right now, my friend.).

   I've always supported my friend because she was a part of what helped me break out of my shell and truly be confident in myself and I wanted to return the favor by helping wherever I could. We always would hang out and she'd tell me about her life, especially the hard times, and I would never really question her because all I cared about was making sure she was ok.

   It wasn't until recent events that I had to force myself to challenge my own thoughts and break past my blind support to really look at the situation as a whole and when talking to my mom I found out a lot of what she told me could've been lies so she'd have an excuse to do things she normally would have to sneak around for being that her family is pretty harsh.

   When it came to finally confront the situation she was going through and we told her to be 100% honest with her trusted family member and the authorities it always seemed like she would avoid telling the truth or fully expressing the situation the way she would to us when it came to telling people who actually had the power to help her what's up.

   As a person who has been in her shoes I understand being afraid but we gave her all the options to the point her safety would be guaranteed afterwards but when I listened to her explain it all, even though she said she'd say everything, she didn't say anything at all relating to why she was really here so I tried to take over and tell them what she told me because I wasn't gonna let her dig this hole for herself but she took th ephone back to me and tried to down play what I said as if I were a child mindlessly bantering over the phone.

   When it came to her running away to my home she called my mom for a ride but my mom couldn't then she said she'd get a cab but kept calling my mom after that to the point she got annoyed and told me to handle it and so I did. Apparently she did call a cab but had no money and was relying on her boyfriend to handle it but next thing you know he has no money so they're asking me when I didn't even know they were coming over and so now once again I had to clean up their mistakes and try to see if anyone else had an extra $14 laying around.

   Every time something happens with those two eyes always fall on me and my mom to fix it but whenever I seem to be going through things no one seems to really be there, not that they're obligated to but you'd think what I do would be worth calling sometimes at least and not for some drama or plan for her to come over just so she can invite her boyfriend. When I really was forced to think about it there has been times less than the amount I can count on one hand where she wanted to hang out genuinely and never mention her boyfriend for any reason other than him pissing her off some time around then.

   I don't want to believe she's taking advantage of my kindness to abuse the freedom and support my household gives to our guest but after all i've been through with close ones turning out to be violent and cruel whether it was to me or my parents or young sibling, her turning out to be just like them in a sense wouldn't surprise me but it would hurt more than anything thus far because then I'd truly lose a lot of trust and faith in those I hold closest to me and truly feel alone once more.

   Not to say I wouldn't eventually heal from it but it would be a long process and a very painful one to get past. That's about all. I know this whole thing might be confusing to understand being I left out a lot of sensitive topics which would help better sement my stance and where I'm coming from but it's personal not only pertaining to me but others involved and I don't want to tell a story that's not mine to tell to strangers online.

-1:47am