I Wonder

Last night I had a dream that we were on a trip on Bart. It felt like we were heading to San Francisco. The cold air brewed in the morning, and you were wearing a knit hat, scarf, and long knee high boots. You looked particularly cold. I could tell because I could see you cluttering your teeth in such a funny way that it made me laugh in all-types-of-ways. You coddled up to me while we sat and you asked me to talk. 

You dozed off a little bit after that from exhaustion, but this thought brewed in my mind in such a way that I cruised from my dream into another dream within that dream (inception is a true f'ing thing if you let it be) and I just propelled in to us being married and picking out that IKEA furniture you adore so blissfully much! I guess in my mind I wonder if you are truly happy at times and I compensate that by doing those couple things with you. Then... It gives me this sense of surrealism and panic that we are in our mid' twenties now and the expectations to succeed and provide more have come crashing into my doorstep all too close. 

I woke up from my IKEA dream to you looking into my face wondering why I was so perplexed in my slumber, but all that anxiety and thought of my failure just faded, because one gaze into your eyes... is like a 5 hour energy and catatomic eruption of dopamine in my head. I wonder if you know how much you mean to me and are able to balance me. How if you weren't in my dreams and in my life to snap me into reality that I would be numb and not have a single ambition for myself and us. 

I wonder if you're getting impatient reading your book since im taking to long writing this across the table. There's one thing I don't have to wonder about. Your love for me. <3