paintball, volleyball and school/ 11th, june 2023

its been like 2 years since i played paintball.

technically it was a few weeks ago but that was only for one game and then i went to the next game the next day to watch my brother play the final game.

but anyway its so fun to play and i wish there were more paintball fields where im moving to but the only sports that they probably have there are like snowmobiling, dog sledding, and idk ice climbing, something like that.

but once i start high school this year once i move, im gonna join the volleyball team.

ive wanted to be on a volleyball team for like 2 years now?

i dont know much about it so ill probably end up on jv for freshman year and sophomore year until i get the basics and everything else down if i even make it at all.

if i can even put myself out there either.

ive talked about it before but i have major social anxiety.

and even thinking about being in a high school with hundreds of other students makes me want to puke.

i havent been in a physical school building since 5th grade (2020).

i havent talked to anybody i knew from school since then and i havent talked to literally anybody really.

im stuck in my house by myself which i hate doing but i cant get the courage to talk to people.

my mom wants to try to get me to go to a teen center when we move before i start school.

but i would literally hide until i had to leave.

i cant go to any public places without worrying about what im wearing, how my face looks, how my hair looks and i just get major anxiety.

im also socially awkward so when i do talk to people theres nothing but silence.

i really hope i dont have to go.

im hoping ill be able to easily make friends once i start school but thats only if i can even survive the first day.

pray for me on august 17th.

thanks for reading.