Entering the new season premiere + highlights of the past two weeks

Hello Princesses, 

(BEFORE YOU READ: MANIFESTATION WORKS. I FUCKING MANIFESTED A CINEMA INTERNSHIP FOR MYSELF OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE SO GO AND MANIFEST BESTIES!)

somewhere this week I came to a realization that I am entering another season of my life. This means that this chapter that I've been living through since August has finally ended. This note will be a little bit like an Ode to my Old Self. 

- Thank you for deciding that you are tired of masking your trauma and that you delved in deeper even though it gave life to the worst anxiety period of your entire life

- Thank you for working through your traumas even though it seems pointless sometimes: I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you making this very first step

- Thank you for applying to countless jobs, quitting two, getting fired from one to finally ending up with a stable teaching job and a paid internship connected to something you love: movies

- Thank you for letting go of unrealistic expectations that you had of yourself, and trying to grasp old things that flew back many years ago but letting them go after a brief moment just to say your goodbyes 

- Thank you for breaking down your defenses and opening yourself up, claiming that it was your villain era because you also had to set clear boundaries with some people

- Thank you for drunkenly dancing to Billy Joel's Vienna

- Thank you for saying no to getting praise for good grades and academic expectations and allowing yourself to mentally move out and live through your Matilda (although I'm developing a kind of love/hate relationship with Harry recently?)

This season I have great expectations. Although the previous season was a lot about stopping to people please and managing my extreme anxiety and ocd, and it has had some amazing highlights... It was honestly the most difficult couple of seasons in my life - filled with stress, panic attacks, and difficult decisions that only blossomed at the end. But here I am. Ready for the internship, long cinema days, writing my romance novel and teaching English on the side. 

Fuck, I even got a haircut and a new wardrobe for that. The theme of this self is very Heartstopper-like but in a feel-good way. I want to explore new things, go further, accept myself, play with colours.

And of course: my Nick Nelson will be there. ;) ----but they are a secret----

Technically, I'm not even on my first season of Friends - that's gonna be only next year and it's also gonna be a year I move into my first apartment. Maybe I should re-watch the first season in advance to prepare myself for next season. Hence my new Monica Geller haircut i got during a mental breakdown this week after finishing work at 7:30pm!

Not gonna lie to you: the last week has been an enamble of up and downs. It felt like I was experiencing great highs followed by deepest lows (including a melt down on my bedroom floor, crying that all the materials of my clothes have the wrong texture). I'm still on the road of a discovery. Hopefully it lead me where I'm supposed to be.

I don't really feel like logging my reading and watching lists. Just know that I fell in love deeply with colours of the new Spider-Man, know the Bowser's Peaches song by heart and that yet another novel by Emily Henry destoryed my emotional stability.

I'm getting there.

Slowly,

xoxo