Autism, writing and living with family members

I really want to build stable writing progress, but it's so hard when you live with people who you cannot get along with. My mother and sibling are just so... It's hard to live in harmony with them. I think it might be because my mother is autistic and sensory seeking, my sib is autistic and sensory avoidant, and I'm the mixed type. Everyone has different needs, and we cannot function without overwhelming one another. Also, my mother communicates so differently to me that sometimes I feel like we're talking in completely different languages. We might talk about one and the same thing, but we process words so differently that we often start fighting before we realise that we think the same.

I cannot wait to move out. I'm planning on becoming roommates with my best friend. His sensory needs are quite similar to mine, and we can communicate very efficiently, so living with him should be a heavenly experience (especially compared to living with my family). Sometimes I spend hours daydreaming about already being roommates, sitting in my room or living room, and just being able to focus on writing. I can almost feel the satisfaction that I did all the chores I could do. That quiet happiness that I have a warm coffee, that I can hear my friend walking around, just doing his own thing and knowing that I don't have to worry about anything other than a weekend trip to the grocery shop and doing a school project.

Right now, it's impossible to have this peace of mind. I suspect that I might have PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). I need to be motivated in a specific way to do my chores - if someone asks me directly to do something, I'm unable to do it most of the time. If I decide to do something, I'll do it without a problem. But if someone asked? I can't. I just can't. I need space and being motivated by feeling that there's no pressure but that if I do something, it'll positively affect me or the people I care about. If someone asks me to do something, I feel like a disappointment. To me, a demand sounds like "you should've done it", so doing it after the request makes me feel like I get a neutral result. But a neutral isn't positive. I need to make a positive change to feel that it's even worth doing. That's why I love doing chores when no one's home. There's no one to make any demand, and there's no baseline of what I have to do - that means that anything I do is positive. It's outside of the requirements. And I'm sure that I'll be able to talk about it with my friend. He'll understand, and we'll be able to discuss and find the best solution for both of us. But I can't do it with my mother. She doesn't understand - I tried to explain it to her, but she ignored it. So, for now, I'm stuck with the shadow of unwashed dishes, my dirty depression-room, dirty clothes waiting for a wash, and dusty floors just looming over me, reminding me that I'm a disappointment.

I try to create a routine, but it's impossible when guilty and paralysed by it 24/7. I can't wait to move out.