only half-doomed

things have changed. 

im not sure what i was thinking. and i think it's safe to say that you weren't too sure of what you were doing either. your nervous laughter and your unsure hands only telling me so much. my eyes are like an MRI scan, relentlessly surveying your brain for anything that's just short of taciturn. 

i dont know what i was thinking, dragging you off to the stall. i dont even think there was something that i even wanted. and if there was something i wanted, you made me completely forget about it. your prodding and teasing; pushing and pulling. you're just playing with my head. 

you leaned in. you kept leaning in. 

and i kept leaning back. at least, as much as i could when you've got me pushed into a corner. 

oh, how you're just so sick. and you know it. you keep playing with me like a toy.

you dragged me back onto my bed, all close up next to me. you talking in that stupid, stupid voice. just keep me swinging back and forth. with your mouth right up to my ear, you ask me if you can say what you've been wanting to say. you know that i'd rather not know what you think about me. but some unknown source in me says, "yeah."

i regret it immediately. i know what's coming. 

and you know that it's your only shot when you get all close in my ear and go, "i just want to kiss you so hard right now". 

your car is waiting outside for you. 

and, oh, how you can complicate my breathing like i've been chain-smoking for 40 years. 

i have nothing to say.

but i guess we do become the things we do. 

- L