getting to be human again

finally feeling the world without the weight of exams on my chest. No longer under the knife; no longer nightmare-prone. I'm finally a human, not just a vessel for information. Exams may be the closest a person can get to being a machine without truly making the transformation. 

I always held resentment for the smell of summer. The chemical sting of sun lotion and burning pavement. That sickening feeling of your skin burning under the microscope of the sun. But I feel grateful for it now - i'm sweating out the sea of maroon and gleam of linoleum floors. The burn of rolling my eyes back out of exhaustion just to try and see my own thoughts better.

I look out of my window and I see children playing in the long grass - the wispy remainders of a blown-out dandelion in their hair and I just feel like crying. I feel like mourning for every child's freedom in this world. For what they will probably have to endure. But that sense of inevitability is a little comforting in a way, at least im not crawling through this world on all fours alone after all