Alks diary entrance:1 (aka public humiliation)

Have u ever felt like u can kys at any time? I feel like it almost everyday…

Often I feel like Im a huge mess. Sometimes I just feel like I’m a ghost, maybe more than that, I don’t really know.

My doctor say it’s normal, it’s just part of growing up, but what if it isn’t? I don’t want to feel like this forever, but sometimes I think I will. 

I’m doing bad at school, at life in general, sometimes I just fake that I’m something that I know it’s just an illusion, it’s scary thinking the way I think.

I like this classmate, he’s more than cute, I enjoy looking at him (not in a weird way obs), but I know I’m nothing like the girls he likes, I mean, i don’t even know what am I. 

Yesterday I got a haircut just to look nice, he didn’t come to school today, he came later after recess, I know he looked at me, he smiled at my friend, but ignored me, maybe I should be more like her even though I feel like I could never be like that. Am I overthinking? Probably.

I feel like I don’t have a path in life, I don’t know what I’ll do w my life, I’m not interesting, I’m not funny, not pretty. I know I want to be relevant in life. Maybe if I work hard enough I could be in a yt video about how useless I was and how I died?.. not interesting enough huh.. anyway I’ll be ok! I always am. 

I’ll take my dog on a walk today! Wish me luck!! I’ll post later, maybe, idk. Good night everybody. 

Alkzz out! *Rawr*