poem about bad intrusive thoughts ( >﹏<。)

my brain seeps rot and filth

a miniature biome, a cesspit of horribleness

i crack open my mind and scowl in disgust

appalled by my own thoughts

my train tracks havent derailed

theyve fucking crashed and burned

flames swallowing the grotesque obscenities 

in fervent passionate delight

my head tilts to the side

and out of my ear comes black sludge

whispering/shouting 

curses/promises

my pure mind scream and wails

stop stop stop this isnt you

the other delights in the horridness

more more more im on the edge

i cry and laugh and rage and moan

after my body has crumpled

into a heap of flesh and sweat and pleasure

where only self excitement matters

hedonism only experienced by the maenads

do you think god will forgive me

in their endless show of mercy

Al-Ghafur, most forgiving

do you think they will forgive the swine given sentience

only to abuse the privilege for face twisting delight