i feel awful

i genuinely haven’t been doing my best at all lately and no one really cares. my mom acts like my existence bothers her when i simply try and speak to her. my ex best friend is doing fine without me and that’s okay but we were best friends for 4 1/2 years and she acts like it didn’t matter, like i never mattered to her but it’s ok too, i have a new bsf but people hate him and it’s hard when people are trying to get you to dump him, ge barely talks to me and when i do talk to him it’s so brief but he just gets distracted and that’s okay too. i miss my ex a bunch he keeps messing with me and dropping me it’s mental sanity it makes everything so much worse but i’ll keep forgiving him so it’s my fault, it’s all my fault. everything will forever be my fault and i can’t stand being here i wanna be 16, i wanna go to disney, i wanna experience love and a family but i can’t i keep trying to give up but then someone always swoops in. i don’t think anyone’s gonna swoop in this time, i’ll try and make it another day and another but it’s so hard.