Explaining my highest kins !!!

I've compiled a list of my highest kinnies, and I'll just be explaining why I kin them and such ^o^

I won't go into too much detail because some of them are very personal to me •ᴗ•

TW: vent (no other srs TW, I won't mention those)

   Xie Lian from TGCF

• Can't remember names very well and who is who :0
• Doesn't know whether to laugh or cry /hj
• I always try to be there during other ppl's lowest points and support them as much as I could yet they aren't always there for me when I'm at my lowest because I tend to push people away.
• I self-sacrifice too much because of the never-ending guilt of my past mistakes.
• I don't consider myself as worthy of anything, I'm just a mere burden.
• People talk bad about me behind my back and even right in front of me.
• I have abandonment issues because in the past many people left me as soon as they deem me not useful anymore.
• Barely anyone cares about me or what I have to say, they often only pretend to listen or ignore me altogether.
• I have a strong sense of justice but I feel like I'm not exactly a good person, for I have tried and planned of doing things I thought I would never do.
• If my past self ever saw how I turned out today, they'd be disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself too. 
• I bottle my emotions because I don't want to burden other people with it. 
• My past "friends" betrayed me and left me all alone when I needed them the most. 
• We share similar ideals and I like his aesthetic /ref  ˊᵕˋ + more but I don't want to overshare

  Yin Yu from TGCF 

• I get envious of people who are better than me at something, especially if I'm rly fond of it.
• I'm easily forgotten.
• I compare myself a lot and wish that I'm a better person but I can't even do that. I am my own worst enemy.
• I feel like I can never truly move forward in life because I'm still constantly criticizing myself for my past.
• I used to be looked up to by other people.
• I can never truly be proud of my own achievements for I feel like I don't deserve them.
• I seek validation from others a lot, to the point of changing myself so they can like me more.
• I know deep inside that I'm just plain and simple and there's nothing special about me at all, but at the same time, I strive to be a better person and excel in something.

  Mashiro Kurata from Bandori

• My default face is slightly sad.
• I aspired to get into a good school, but once I got in I became overwhelmed by the extremely talented students.
• I get lost in my imagination and fantasies easily, especially when I'm doing creative writing.
• I can be quite pessimistic and afraid of interacting with strangers because I might give them a bad first impression of me.
• I overthink to the point of imagining problems that didn't even exist.
• I tend to run away to avoid my problems and makeup excuses and reasons to give up.
• I wish I could change and become a better version of myself.
• We share similar personality traits !!!
• I also really like reading and watching fantasy. ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

  Layla from Genshin Impact

• Messed up my sleep schedule ever since I started sacrificing sleep for schoolwork.
• My social battery drains very quickly, bad at socializing.
• My worth is determined by my grades.
• I get easily startled and insecure because I'm afraid of how other people might judge me.
• If I don't do work I get stressed but if I DO do work I also get stressed.
• I feel very passionate about my interests.
• I feel sick and tired even when I do get enough rest.
• I get left out a lot, even in group work. 
• I have a deep desire for growth and exploration so I question everything in my life.
• I have wanted to give up so so so many times but for some reason, I kept pushing on.
• My inspiration and energy come in sudden bursts so I work rly efficiently at random times. 
• I am full of contradictions, I get insecure then determined, tired then energized.
• I am literally her, I even have the same MBTI, temperament, and enneagram type. ˙ᵕ˙

  Basil Hallward from The Picture of Dorian Gray

• Idk how to explain it...he's just like me fr?
• I'm also gay asf
• I also have the same MBTI and enneagram type with him as well. 
• Um I have to study now ig so I'll just update this if I have time later.

Btw I'm getting better now, and I have a lot of support from my friends. I'm trying my best, so don't worry too much ok ! ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰