How Do You Ask for Help, When Being Ashamed is More Powerful

This past Friday I found out how much its going to cost to have extensive dental work done for just two teeth, and today I find out how much it's going to cost to do minor dental work on the remaining teeth I need help with, and I'm at the point where I don't even want to get married anymore because the budget I had set aside is now going to be gone because in the end my health and wellness is more important. 

I always knew deep down that I could never afford even the smallest of a wedding and learning what I did today, just only proves that I'm not meant to have that experience in my life.

I never dreamed I would be able to afford a wedding because let's face it, my childhood never gave me that opportunity to even come close to fantasizing about one day having an amazing wedding and just when I finally get hopeful and I have a good start on a budget to actually say "hey maybe I can actually experience this is my life" something comes along and rips whatever hopes I started to obtain out from under me and tells me no, you can't. 

I started to lose some hope when my hours were cut back in March at my job, but then I got my taxes back which gave me hope that, ok, this is happening, I can have this and even have a nice dress to wear, in the process. but the universe was like "HAHA, Jokes on you!" With my wedding 271 days away, I have at least the venue and the photographer booked and partially paid for, but the wedding dress, does not seem promising at all, at least not my 2500 dollar dress budget I had set aside for myself.

This is why I keep such a guard up, and never get my hopes up because something always comes crashing in to ruin whatever that hope was. You'd think I'd learned my lesson by now, but it took me this long to finally understand