reality sucks

sometimes i feel like i will never actually find something that can actually help me express myself. my physical form is so much more limited to who i am as a person, for money reasons, family reasons, whatever it is. the internet is nice bc i can be whoever i want and design my own persona thats different from "me" i hate my irl name so much and the fact i can just be anonymous is so comforting to me. sometimes i just wish i could have a rly beautiful pink home, and be like maybe a music artist or actor and have so many like jirai kawaii and gyaru clothes and a bunch of makeup id love that, but my family is like rly old fashioned and religious so i can barely wear any makeup or dress how i want 💀💀 this is so stupid to complain abt since its just life in general and its probably gonna be like this forever, but its as if ill never even find myself. im questioning if im a dude but just like rly feminine but my parents would never accept me as that and id feel like id never physically look like a dude. i hate reality so much like whys it so hard. i literally live inside my own world in my head, and when i realize that i will never actually have the shit i thought i have in my head i genuinely become so depressed. i hate reality