Alleyway Fistfight

The long-awaited newest entry to the Street Fighter series has finally arrived! The one and only Street Fighter VI! While I personally find the name to be rather... creatively destitute, I believe that there are faint traces of beauty in the perennial tradition that the platitudinous and simplistic title that the series has maintained all these years. However, my reprehensible history with the series has left me with faultfinding criticisms that go beyond the mere epitaph of the game... 

It all began with Street Fighter III: Third Strike. To say that I despise this game is an understatement so extreme that it would raise concern over the undeniable apathy of any who could say such a thing, as to be blind to such vehement animosity towards anything in this world clearly forewarns of a dangerous level of inability to feel. I could rant for eternity, nay, longer, about all the things I find flawed in this game, but I shall spare you the time out of concern for your lifespan. After all, it wouldn't do me well if you were to pass on due to natural causes before I could finish my harangue... Such a tragedy would leave a poor taste in my mouth, kuhuhu... 

Nonetheless, I shall impart at least one criticism - the most egregious of all... That being, the fanbase... I understand that it is rather unbecoming of a future dark lord and meticulous game critic to judge a game based on the players, but for a game focused on multiplayer, it simply cannot be ignored... The fans revere the game as if it were the Savior of fighting games, however, I am unable to see it as anything but a false prophet... A fighting game with no air-dashing could never be the true Savior! Such are the teachings of the Holy Church of Guilty Gear! 

It may surprise you, then, to learn that Street Fighter 6 has obtained the most coveted of all accolades: Kudos from the Future Lord of Darkness! Keheh, I must say, the game is exceedingly enjoyable, almost without compare... The boundless joys that are absent due to a lack of air-dashing are replaced by a fascinating and complex system of predictions and punishments, risks and rewards, fists and fears, all delivered at the hands of the Drive System. You can utilize a Drive Impact to advance forwards with a super-armored strike that stuns your opponent if it connects, at the cost of having a start-up slow enough to be reacted to by even the least sane of geriatrics, as well as being counterable by another Drive Impact. Yes, I look forward to learning this game, and delivering dark malice upon all the players I encounter...