despair is a painful feeling

HIHI ALL FAKE BTW!! TW: ED, SH , MORE IDK  (FIRST BLOOOG AND ITS SO DEPRRESSING LOL)

My body is collapsing as this is being typed, fingers shaking, sweat dripping from my hair. Trapped in this confined space all alone. I hear nothing but my mind saying "eat" every 4 seconds. I don't know how I got here, how I got to the point where my bones are piercing through my skin. My brain is deteriorating. 6 months, only 6 months ago I was out there, healthy, happy and smart. Did I do this to myself? Is that why there's always a man in the back of my head screaming for peace. Blood brings me peace, my own blood. Anguish is a painful feeling, the way the blade pierces through my skin, cutting deep into to reach my flesh, it brings me to a place where I spend most my nights at. The nights where I could sleep is starting to feel like a foreign feeling. My eyes bulging out of my skin, I can't look at myself anymore without absolutely breaking down on the floor. Maybe I enjoy watching my life turn into nothing but despair. 

- wrote this at 2:44am its so ass souhdjfgsfdhiwfhisdf