all my writing is about only one man who wronged me

 I hate writing shitty poetry about you. I hate thinking about you, crying about you. The best I can do is remember what you've said, what you've done. I feel stupid to even feel upset with you. The things you know make me feel stupid. I've said things I would never say out loud. The things I said, the things I've shown you, for temporary happiness. Why would I even say that? I should have learned it only lasted a couple minutes. After that I felt empty.

   I hope to never metaphorically model or perform ever again. That's not who I am, I never was that. At that moment, I felt powerful. I thought I had power. It was never that. I was trapped. Trapped in a hole I dug years before, I made promises I was scared to break. Promises of love, a fruitful life, and an eternity together. I know I can break the promise, I was a kid, we were kids. Two young, dumb kids who fell in love too quickly. 

   I'd rather be alone than feel the way I felt for the past 4 years. I’ll buy my own house, own a couple cats, and have a baby on my own. I’ll make my life a life straight out of the movies. I’ll dance in my pink and blue kitchen with my baby and my pets. Sunday dinners will be at my house. I’ll truly be alright if my fate is to be independent. But i know, you know that i yearn for the love and company of someone. Anyone willing to get to know me the way I've dreamt of since I could understand the concept of love. Instead I sing love songs to know one. I sing songs about my future. I belt them for the woman, the man, the person who may come my way and show me the love I deserve, the love and comfort I earned.

   I must hold onto you, you know too much. I don't trust you one bit with my secrets. You’ve talked about me and my holy body once before. You admitted to it. I hate to think about it. I am sure that was the first or last time you opened your big mouth about how bad you want me.

   I am everything you have ever dreamt of and will ever dream of. I hope to be everything you fear one day. I am the manifestation of every nightmare you've had but my outside forced you to learn to love being scared. Every bit of my heart and soul wants you to perish. Every part wants to see your demise, to force you to see my rise. Every single bit wants to be loved. I am nothing but an idea and pretty body to you. I am someone you text to get off. You failed to realize, to remember that I am just a scared girl in need of being held. I'm not religious but I will pray, and I'll pray that you will never hurt another scared girl like me. When will you learn your fucking lesson. You have been treated like shit by women yet you give me the same treatment. 

   I hope I am stronger now. I hope I never talk to you again. I hope I never hear your name again. You ruined so much and will ruin more for others, I don't care as long as it's not me ever again. May my name haunt your dreams and never enter mine.

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