i dont know what to do

i cant even put my emotions into words, but ill try.

i dont want to be alive but i dont want to kms. i think only one thing is holding me back from vanishing completely. 

if i vanish or kms i wont see this boy. he isnt a regular boy, i think he saved me when i previously wanted to kms. And yet he doesnt even know me. he doesnt know that he saved my life.

i dont feel safe anywhere.

there is not a single place where i feel safe. at school i feel misserable and pathetic, home also isnt the best. i dont know what to do. 

i want to get help