How to love an absent partner in an open long-distance relationship 

Well, we can agree that title is slightly personal. But that’s because this is personal. The internet is a beautiful place to meet people, you can almost manifest all of it and I so happened to manifest my now lover.

Before writing this version (we can call it Version 21), I had not met my partner (we can call them X).

Version 21 was that unexpected, “oh-shit!” moment. Born exactly 1 month after meeting X.

Possibility: In a past life he tended to my every necessity, cater all of my wishes and worshiped the ground I walked on. I was a trash partner that took them for granted. Now I live a life of chasing and pleasing an uninterested and nonchalant person.

Slightly dramatic approach but that is the bluntest way of saying it.

It’s not easy loving someone who isn’t physically or mentally present especially if you’re struggling with a mental illness.

Recently he asked me to stop simping for him. I interpreted it as X asked me to stop loving him. So, I suggested we break up. (We didn’t break up but this is why communication is so important)

Most of the time it makes no sense, but on random days, when the sky is clear and the sun decides to melt the lonely away, it feels like he’s the only person that matters.

Truth is I love him and I know the distance is making it hard for us to be on the same page. My mom always told me “Stop being picky and just choose one. All the men are the same.”

She’s not wrong. But she’s not right.

1.      Don’t be insecure – So much easier said than done. When your thousands of miles apart you start wondering what they’re doing, who are they with, and what they’re thinking about. This is torture. Literal hell. You have to trust them. The moment doubt starts to peek through, pull away from the conversation. You don’t want to communicate when you’re being lead by emotions because the snowball effect could hurt the relationship more than help.

2.      Don’t be selfish – One thing X showed me was “self-full”, the middle between two extremes.

3.      Do your own thing – because you can’t count on them. Why do you think they’re “absent”.

4.      Find comfort in yourself 

5.      Love languages – create your own. It’s spoken words for me, creating a routine with your partner allows for both of you to be in each other’s lives even from a distance.

6.      Seeing each other – the more the better.

So why stay?

X is the only person who has stimulated my mind and introduced me to so many different topics with a contagious passion. I write poems about him, not the kind that talk about pain but the ones that try to describe what it’s like to be in love.

·       This was a post that was meant to be published on my WordPress. But due to an unexpected break-up this post will exist in this little pocket of the universe.

Unf