boo

the days, they bleed together.

no matter how hard i try

the seconds turn into minutes

my matted hair in tangles when i finally

have the energy to take a fucking shower.

minutes into hours.

i cant sleep at night anymore

i stay up thinking of all the ways

things could have been different if i just 

tried.

harder.

hours into days.

i dont even go to class now

i sit in the bathrooms

and i take in the smell of smoke and weed

blasting music so loud i may go deaf.

days into weeks.

when im home, or even in school

im not really there

or not fully, i guess.

my mind is somewhere else

back in the days where the sun was brighter

and the air was cleaner

and i was with my friends

higher than a kite.

weeks into months.

on my birthday i couldnt even leave my bed,

let alone my room.

my head was so loud i couldnt even move.

i ignored the sound of my phone going off

"happy birthday! i love you<3"

if that were true they wouldnt have vanished 

when i reached rock bottom...

again...

and months into years.

i wonder why 

every single day

why i survived that dreadful day.

i can hear the children outside

riding their bikes

laughing and playing with chalk that they know will eventually wash away when the clouds decide its time.

and i remember when i was a child

though i cant remember hardly anything 

but the feeling of the scratchy, uncomfortable pants i wore that day

that you took the liberty of taking off for me.

and years into decades.