exams /:

i think i'll mostly use this blog to rant, so nothing rlly interesting for anybody. if there's ever any requests whatsoever, do ask!

school is ending in 3 weeks, and by the end of the year, i'll no longer be a highschooler. that makes me feel rlly weird like wdym i'm supposed to go to uni and then work for the rest of my life?

we have that big ass philosophy exam in less than a month and the highest grade i've ever got was like 11/20 lmfao + we're expected to prepare an oral for the end of june. that shit is stressing me OUT.

on top of that, teachers just don't seem to understand the situation we're on and keep on giving more and more homework. like come on.

i have so, so much to do, but i'm doing nothing. absolutely nothing. so i spend my days playing video games, playing music, while i'm getting a burnout from thinking about all the work i should be doing but i physically cannot bring myself to do. it's honestly really exhausting.

if it was only me, idc enough for school to be putting in the effort. but i know i'd disappoint my parents and well, i dont want that. expectations are nice when you know you can live up to them and have the motivation to work for it, but for school? heaven forbid

if that wasn't enough, i'm preparing for a music audition to get into a prep class on the 1rst of june. i'll admit i care more about the outcome of this audition then my end of year exams. if i fail i'll unalive /j

my music teacher, who is probably one of my best friends at this point, has been behind me since the very beginning, and hans't even once doubted my potential. he's the one i can't allow myself to disappoint. i wouldn't still be doing music if he hadn't been there.

i don't want to sound arrogant, but i've never experienced any kind of academic failure until now, so i'm afraid that the day it comes, it'll leave me, well, destroyed. i really care about those classes, as i want to be a pro musician later. i can't see myself working behind a computer all day long, caged in an office.

i'll pray for my success.

- miya <3