unwashed apples

when im sad i think of the unwashed apples

i think of the cigarettes, the alcohol, the painkillers

i think of the poison i chose to put in my body

i think of all the times i thought i was empty, a shell, a ghost

i think of the 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 year old girl who's 3 years past expiration

i think of the times yet to come

i dont eat unwashed apples because theres so much more to life than the past

i try not to eat the unwashed apples