my crush is a hoe

hi spacehey :( i have logged onto the site with some horrible news. my crush is a hoe

* long post warning because im super descriptive (dramatic) read it if you want *

for context, i met this really cute guy at the beginning of the school year. i’ll call him A. we sat by each other in science and ended up getting pretty close. the reason i liked A so much was because of how kind he was to me. i was pretty shy at first because i didnt know him or anyone else in that class when the school year began, but he always joked around with me and helped me come out of my shell.

i was convinced he liked me back at one point, even. he asked for my instagram and would tell me to post more if i hadnt in a while. he’d always try to make me laugh and sometimes our eyes would meet and he wouldnt look away, he’d just smile.

 anyway, when second semester began, i noticed that A was starting to talk to me less and less. first, he started only talking to me for answers. then, it was just a hi or how is your day. after that, sometimes we would go days without saying a word. 

i had told a friend, i’ll call her K, whos close with him, that i like A and she’s been keeping me updated on if he likes me, if he likes someone else, etc. earlier this week, she told me that A likes some girl. K didnt say her name, though, and i pretended not to care when really the question on who it was wouldnt leave my mind.

 everyday since then ive overheard A talking to his friends about how he “really likes her” and “wants to ask her out”, but i still didnt know the girl’s name, not until today at least.

 my informant came to me today saying that she had something to tell me, and i knew i was in for a long, juicy secret. K came to me with two claims: that she knew who A’s crush is, and that A is a dick. 

K said that A’s crush is someone who i’ll call S. i was really shocked, because even though ive seen them talking sometimes, i didnt expect them to like each other because he seemed kind of annoyed by her. S has a reputation around school for being cringy/annoying. i felt kind of bad whenever i heard people talking shit about her because she never really did anything bad, she’s just really talkative. apparently they dated last year for a month (typical school relationship) and broke up because they got bored of each other. but K said that she’s seen them hugging and holding hands way more than a friendly amount lately. at first, I thought she was exaggerating, because even though she’s great, she tends to be a bit dramatic. but during passing period, my fears were confirmed when I saw them hugging each other. however, K also mentioned something that supports her other point: A always gives girls (especially S) fake “half-hugs”. in her words “not a regular loving boyfriend hug” and in mine when she demonstrated it “the kind of awkward hug you give to your pushy aunt”. it seemed like S initiated the hug since she was holding A way tighter. i also saw them holding hands after that until A reached his class.

as i said, K also told me that A is a dick. she says that nearly every time she talks to him, A says he likes  another girl. and while hes dating someone, he’s already thinking about who hes gonna date next (im totally off the list because im a guy but maybe not). she told me it’s good that i don’t like him anymore ( trying to convince myself of that) because he’ll play with my feelings and break my heart.

i was really confused when K told me this, because i had never seen this side of A. ive seen horror stories about love bombers and how they lure you in with all their sweet talking and then break your heart into a million, but there had to have been some kind of red flags in those situations, right? and i saw none in A. but, i do have a history of being delusional when it comes to crushes and almost always getting my heart broken, so i tried to take K’s word and tell myself to give up on A.

i decided to tell my brother about it, because we always fill each other in on drama going on at our schools. if im being honest, we’re practically the same person. thats probably why we fight so much, and when we’re chill our conversations are always super deep because we just get each other. my brother told me that K could be lying to me to get A to herself. i thought about it for a bit, and it really could be true. why would K be talking shit about A and stuff he did months ago and still be his friend? 

but at the same time, i really want to trust K because we tell each other everything. i wouldn’t say we’re best friends, but when we have something to gossip about, we go running to each other. she tells me shes done all that she can do to get A to at least acknowledge me as an option, whether that be bringing me up in conversation, suggesting that he date someone, or letting me know if they’ll be hanging out somewhere so that my friends and i can “spontaneously run into them”.

i talked to my friends D and O about the entire situation and asked what i should do because there is a dilemma — A and i always exchange answers because we’re both pretty smart. i also honestly dont have lots of friends in the classes we share, so who am i gonna ask for answers? D told me to “take advantage of my resources” and ghost him after the school year ends. 

i followed her advice and texted A after school, asking for the answers on yesterday’s math homework because i wasnt at school for that period. he replied pretty quickly, teasing me for asking for answers because he “thought i was smart” and then sending them.

about 30 minutes later, though, he liked my instagram story and then dm’d me a reel. i know i sound super delulu right not, and you might think this is nothing. but just a few days ago, he totally brushed me off at school and i thought our friendship was over. he also never really likes my instagram stories, and the one that i posted was just a repost of some funny ai art, so it was kinda boring.

so whats going on? A is hot and cold with me. K could be lying to/sabatoging me. D and O are begging me to forget about him. and is A on the dl?

whatever is happening, i hope A gets just as obsessed with me as i am with him so that i can embarass his ass. my social reject self does have a chance at redemption, though, because ill be going back to my hometown this summer where i hope to meet some cute guys and finally date someone.

anyway, that’s all for now. tune in some other time for more of my delusional/narcissistic preaching. please dont mock me too much for this 

bye