The end of a chapter part 1

There were so many times I thought I would not make it here but seems like I did.
My finals started this week, the first ones were today and honestly it just makes me think.
This is my last set of finals, I'm graduating this year, leavers' assemblies, hoodies, prom, drawing on each others' white shirts on the last day, I'm truly on the last page of this chapter.
I'm writing this in my room, it's almost 9 in the evening and I've just been thinking.
I don't remember my very first day at school (shoutout to amnesia), the only thing I remember is that I was the same person I am now. I can't truly explain how, but even though I went through a lot of character development in all areas of my life to dramatic extents, I feel that my soul is the same as it was when I first stepped foot in a classroom. It's been 11 years. Lot of ups and downs. Mostly downs. However it truly just feels so surreal. I thought I would be excited or happy to be here, but I can't exactly say that I am. I can feel that something is changing. I can feel myself transforming into a different form. Okay, I throw up every night and I have this deep feeling in my stomach that just won't settle, but that's not what I mean. It's like I'm becoming a different person while nothing is really happening, which is really weird because for any kind of change to happen in a person something external has to happen first which did not happen to me. But I feel it every day, I can feel it building up inside of me.
I lost many accross the way.
Lovers, friends, partners, second guesses, and I don't really know how to feel about it.
Perhaps my lack of excitement is just acceptance.
Going through the 5 stages of grief with positive emotions.
Once I accept and real-ise them they don't feel as intense.


https://soundcloud.com/alicks14/only-a-few-minutes-now?si=ee68db32e15241c6849cd0978ffefe87&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing