16.5.23

tw mentions of self-harm

Yesterday was extreme. I've been off from school for a week n i cried trying to explain to my parents abt why i was scared to go to school. they weren't so sweet abt it ofc. I was sent to school anyway n on our way there, my dad just... scolds me. idk the right words but it was between verbal abuse and a simple scolding. Either way it affected me til i got to school. It was embarassing bc i cried sm that ppl probably saw my eyes turn red. it was a monday so there was assembly, which i didnt go due to anxiety (the school already knows this from my previous sh school event)

  So as i stayed in the foyer n being severely depressed...i cut myself with a razor i broke out from a shaver. after the assembly, i just disappeared from class. Classmates did see me put my bag in so everyone was searching for me. i didnt know that though, until i heard an announcement asking me to go back to class. I was in the toilet cutting myself so i didnt care nor heard it. a classmate found me while they were out searching for me n i was sitting on the staircase. I broke down in front of them n they kept asking whats wrong, i struggled to speak. they called the teacher n she came asking whats wrong too. This is the same teacher from my previous sh school event, but this time she looked kinda annoyed.

  Again, I couldnt speak up. She sent me to the office n i had to meet the principal. She looked annoyed too. i tried to explain why i cut myself again. she scolded me n told me to open up my heart more. my mom came to pick me up n she scolded me as well, went home, dad was there the whole time, another scolding wow. ughh im so tired of explaining all this, might edit again but basically everything suddenly went normal after we went out to eat... rlly scary...

 Today (16.5.23), was rlly good though. in contrast of yesterday... 

  We decorated our classrooms cuz theres gonna be a class party tmr 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜 Im excited!! Were all gonna bring some food too, epiccc