Relationships

Ok so first of all this is like idk venting and talking about my life so yeah

If someones reading u guys can say what you think or idk, ur situations??

I'm realizing im so bad at meeting new people.

Las year there were this 4 boys kind of interested in me and I blocked one of them because I was scared??!! Like he texted me, and added me to instagram close friends. He was not that ugly I definitely wasn't interested in him but we could've been friends so I absolutely regret blocking him, now it's so awkward at school because we share a subject and a lot of my classmates are friends with him.

What happened with another of these 4 boys is that it all went super fast and a month later I realized he was like so cringe and he talked in a romanticship way with little girls. So I also blocked him like 4 months after talking with him while I was drunk. He isn't from my school but literally 2 days after blocking him I saw him on the streets and he went and TALKED TO ME?? Like didn't he realize I blocked him or that it's weird that he comes up to me while im clearly in the middle of something?? I swear, if i don't mess up it's the other person who's weird.

And then the only thing that happened with the other two was that the conversations were too awkward (I think it's because of me but maybe I percieve it that way because of my social anxiety?? idk).

SO!! That's like my boys problems when I don't even know if I like boys XD.

Now my problem with making friends it's that I am so afraid to do something weird! And I'm so tired of my actual friendships, I don't feel free to talk about my bad days or even the things I like, and when I get the chance I don't really feel listened. And I've been thinking of how to meet new people but I find it so hard, I just don't know how to start a conversation with a total stranger? Then if im trying to meet new people with mutual friends I don't really feel included.

I've always thought that changing schools could solve it since people would talk to me in a "new girl!!" way but right now that's not a good option since I'm almost finishing highschool and it would be way too expensive.

I had an exchange at the beggining of this year and it literally confirmed my thoughts. Sadly I was there for only a month and I'm slowly loosing contact since it's harder to communicate mainly via snapchat and miles away. So I really don't know what to do.

Sorry if someone wanted to read and couldn't understand, english isn't my first language but I was feeling like not writing in spanish so

I think that's all yh bye