NGE + Depression is not for the weak

I was rewatching NGE and I remembered when I first watched it and I was like super depressed. Before I watched it I saw a lot of people talking about they didn't like it or didn't get it. Or how they hated character (mainly Shinji), with that I decided that I would give it a watch.

When I tell you I was in love!!!

First of all as I watched I thought "oh no, I'm a Shinji kinnie" oh no. Maybe the influence of mass hate I saw or just the amount of things at the time I thought wow he's just like me fr, but I really loved him. PLUS can we talk about how the adults (ALL) traumatized the fuck out of those kids. Like I understand how some of them were just doing it for the sake of saving humanity but still. And then I know how anime fans are, they have no sympathy for characters like these in these situations cause they think their some immortal god who would have survived and came out on top. Like let's be fr. But anyways, just put yourself in Shinji's shoes. You're 14, you don't know anything about you dead mother and your distant father, suddenly out the blue your father calls for you and it's because he wants you to fight some mass killing machine Angel! AND HE GUILT TRIPS YOU INTO DOING IT (a trope which is very common). Time after time after time you are scarred and guilt tripped to get back in and kill this thing that could kill you at any moment. And would anyone cry? No, they'd probably make a copy of you. No one gives a fuck about your feelings, your trauma, who you are, or what the fuck you're having for dinner. And you have to stuck it up for the sake of humanity. Not to mention you have to loose your humanity in the process. 

Each character (while they all have their own flaws) I connected with each of them. I felt so bad for them and only wished they had a moment of peace so they could properly deal with their problems. But no, this is just a show and I know this is very dramatic, I just felt so seen. It felt like all my emotions and thoughts were there on display and if I could get one person to watch it they'd finally understand what I'm going through.

I think one of the hardest things I went through was the thought that everyone would say that I'm being dramatic and say it's not that serious. To just get over it already (which did happen). I was scared to open up to loved ones and people around me cause I didn't want to be perceived as this loner emo loser who can't get her shit together. And If I heard the stupid response, "Everyone is going through something," or "People have bigger problems and you're stressing over that?" I was gonna explode. 

Sigh, I just wanted to get that out. 

Signing out- cherry