Friends and growing up.

(Slight TMI? as I just needed to write about this bull)

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Ok this is going to be basically a rant about my friend group/ specific people so I'm going to refer to them by their mythical creature race. 

So some basic information before I jump into issues I have with the people I know. Siren, Elf, and Halfling are the only people I've stayed in contact with since middle school so around six-sevenish years. Then there is my Fairy/Moth friend who I meet through Siren around four years ago. Then we have Sirens boyfriend Half-Elf who I've only known for maybe a year or two. 

Back to the issues at hand, or ones that have been building up to the present issues I'm having. Siren hasn't grown to be the best guy, and if I'm being completely honest I might cut him out of my life completely. I feel like I've wasted so many years watching his downfall that could've been used with other people, however our friend group has always revolved around him, which might be one of the issues now. See they have always been the social butterfly of our group, introducing people to the group organizing hangouts and such so it would make since to see him as the pack leader. 

Unfortunately, a pattern I've unfortunately caught on to is that he constantly puts all of us down and acts as if we don't have emotions or lives. I'm very well protective or like territorial with my friends so things that might affect them even slightly negatively will set me off. I think a switch flipped in my brain and I began seeing Siren differently after he started bragging about his 'rank' in our grade. I'm not one to be affected by a letter but Moth, Half-elf, and a number of our other friends are. At that time Moth had came to the group because she wasn't having a good time mentally and I'm proud of how far she's gotten even with so much against her. After Siren had started bragging she had texted me separately which I won't dive into but the gust was she wasn't happy and I had started arguing with Siren and she told me to just let it go because he would shut up eventually. 

After that I haven't been able to see him like I used to I'm not someone easily affected by the things people do but it started frustrating me when he put others down. Then I started noticing how he would talk to me sometimes and how he had talked to me before. It kind of startled me when he would out right call me stupid when I've been in honors classes along side him up until my dad had passed because I was emotionally struggling/couldn't keep up and failed out.

Elf is also a high achiever and she is deserving of the world but sometimes he tries to talk down to her which makes no since to me. She hasn't done anything to him that I know of she's the least hostile person. To see him try to attack someone who's so busy minding her own business to get where she wants to be in life is astonishing.

Half-Elf has also become a fast friend of mine as he's a good guy. I normally stay away from any of Sirens boyfriends because he seems to have a savior complex and pick up boys with a plethora of issues and has actively said that he wants to help them-which I get you want to help your partner out however trying to fix them is an entirely different thing. Things I've noticed with H-Elf is that he's not horrible, but he's a extreme people pleaser and he has brought up things that are an immediate red flag for me in any relationship. 

Siren has asked for large sums of money from H-Elf, which depending on circumstance is okish but from what I gathered from H-Elf is that he wasn't in dire need of the cash. Another thing H-Elf has ranted about to me is that he feels like he's constantly trying to avoid an argument when he tries to talk about issues he is having with their relationship. This shouldn't be the case at all H-Elf has complained that Siren just won't listen to him about things and is extremely stubborn. 

Here's the bit where I become a bit territorial I'm planning on completely cutting Siren off, and I have already spoken to our ENTIRE friend group about his behavior, and everyone is also on board with distancing/completely cutting him out of our lives. Frankly I'm tired of how he acts and treats everyone so I don't want anyone near him but they're their own people and can make their own decisions. 

I also have an issue with his addictions, and I have very strong lines around substances. He has a vaping issue, and when he first got into them I made it clear I don't want anything around me. He understands that and respects that. However he has tried to justice vaping to our entire group after a multitude of us mentioned it might be a problem. The latest of things he's done are more then concerning, Moth's guardians smoke and Siren has told her to tell them to vape as it's 'healthier'. Siren has also, recently given his guppy brother a vape he doesn't use saying he has six of them and doesn't like the taste of that one.

When we mentioned this was a issue, because he was speaking about this in the group chat, he got defensive saying that if he didn't give it to him then he might have gotten it from someone less trust worthy. Another thing I'm worried about is his drinking he doesn't do it often but his family apparently has had issues with alcohol before. 

For me alcohol and those who have a drinking problem are basically dead to me. I guess it's something I picked up from my mom as her uncle is an alcoholic and they used to pick him up from bars, and from what she has told me he wasn't all that friendly when he was like that. So basically I've grown up with the idea 'You can't help those who don't want it' and have recently realized how true that is because of Siren. I've also grown up with my mom saying she's glad I didn't have to be raised around someone like that, so I'm not going to go and destroy my moms hard work by sticking my neck out for someone who doesn't value me the same way. 

This situation is so shitty. I feel like shit for thinking badly of someone who's been a member of my pack for so long only to lose them because they grow up into someone unrecognizable. Siren and I when we were pups were happy, well happy enough. We had each other when things got bad and shared good days together. It sucks.

My family hasn't been whole since god almost ten years, my pack was split and then glued back together shoddily, and then my dad passed. I know very few people from my mothers side of the family and my dads family, well became hostile the second they found him dead. However that doesn't mean I don't have a pack, our friends have always been family and we treat them as such, but to have my own people betray that love I've given so freely? It feels like flowers stuck in my throat. 

I love strongly and it is probably my biggest weakness. I've been hurt before and have had to abandon entire groups of people I've known but it doesn't get any better the more it happens. So swallowing these pesky petals is just another issue that comes along with all this. 

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In a condensed version I might lose one of my long standing pack members. Ranted about their actions and things tied to those concepts. Oh and I use fantasy ideas to help convey a feeling I can't quite describe (platonic hanahaki)

-A very tired and beaten down dog