Husband entry #9

Life has been so exhausting recently and I'm suspecting that something is just simply wrong with me. I think that I need more help than what I currently have but life is not allowing me any reprieve. Recently my mother came to retrieve a blanket that she spent almost a whole year knitting for me. "Could use the yarn" she said. It was a gift I considered very valuable, now it's gone because... pffs. I don't know, I just haven't got the energy, mental or physical, to cope with my own existence right now so I couldn't even fight her on it this time. Our relationship is really strained recently. I don't want it to be like this because this is my only family besides my brother I can be close to anymore and I don't hate her but there's some sense of distress that comes with being around her... I hate it. Specially with some of her recent ofenses, it feels like one of those things, you know.

My husband has been insanely busy as of recent and their schedule has been downright crazy. They are taking over shifts that no one else could cover and I'm TERRIBLY SALTY ABOUT IT but I also can't complain, I know it's good for them. Well... not for their HEALTH but it's good for them to learn, economically and in general. I wish they worked less but there's nothing I can do about that except complain here and be patient.

I do miss them though I have told them this. Recently we went shopping! They got some really really nice jeans and a couple of shirts. They're SO cool! One of Sublime with a creepy face like a zombie and another with naruto and sasuke for me HAHAHAH. It's actually super sick and lovely. Yesterday we went for a walk together -in a way-. They were looking for things for the new apartment while I cooked chicken with rice! They obtained some really really cute things like a new water bottle with cute dog prints and a kitty head bubble lid with a straw!

The truth is I haven't been doing so well mentally or physically. We suspect many very worrying things going on with me, I won't go into much detail but right now my sleep issues are worse than ever and honestly I did wonder if maybe I was just in permanent freeze mode due to some recent issues, but I am hoping after finally sleeping 10 hours for the first time in weeks, I can start to fix my sleeping cycle again ... I hope.

Been getting back into creepypasta, I recently read to my favorite reading of Borrasca and Penpal, hysterical (negative) stories. The frenzy of a reader who isn't just a total drag of monotone and no pauses, no breathing, no entonation. I hate most nosleep-creepypasta narrators because they're so matter of fact "and then and then and end the end", no passion at all. I think I'm too hard on narrators but... idk. I'm just bad with this kind of things.

Recently I read "Why does my boyfriend have things from my childhood", I have to admit the story gripped me from the very first moment. The writer definitely knows what they are doing and even though I was disappointed by the lack of answers I can say that this is a story that is good as hell and really works with the "open ending" trope fantastically. You can make up what happened in your mind and fill the gaps yourself! It's awesome. Originally I was going to complain about it but instead I sat with the story and really processed it before I wrote about it! And it did help! So small victories, small victories!

I also read "Playland", my fucking lord, that story had me by the balls the whole time, it's like the hysteria of parenthood takes over in the grand scheme of things to attack your mind as hard as it humanly can. If you're a parent, I think this story will work on you in a particularly evil way. Just the very last sight of Lily made me shudder, and realize just how insane this story was. I hated it in a good way, terrifying!

Besides that I have been playing Story of Seasons Pioneers of Olive Town. My husband actually bought me that game last year and I took a bit of a break in between things. Other than that I don't really have much to say. I've just been tired, mentally out of it. I have work to do so it's about time I get to it. Goodnight.