adhd struggles + wins

lately in my life, i've been really struggling with my adhd. my job, which mostly focuses on data entry and can have long periods of nothing happening, seems to really quickly lead to me being INCREDIBLY understimulated, and my dopamine seeking brain starts going Crazy.

this has lead to me seeking out quick and easy ways to fulfill that dopamine hole--mostly in foods, shopping, and instagram. pinterest used to fill this hole for me--i get an absurd amount of satisfaction and brain calming from watching the videos. but they're TERRIBLE for my brain. this is why i haven't ever gotten tiktok, other than my immense moral problems with that app, but also because i know i would become absolutely addicted to it in about 5 seconds flat.

i deleted pinterest before because that app caused me INSANE body dysmorphia and it made me feel consistently unsatisfied with my clothing. however, a few weeks later, i found myself doing the same thing with videos on instagram.

the Good news is that instagram somehow doesn't work as hard to lead me down paths of hating my body. most of the video content is less terrible than pinterest.

the Bad news is that i found i was spending over 3 hours a day on instagram. which is Insane.

so like a week ago i put a time limit on instagram on my phone. i've been playing a puzzle game, flow, to fill that understimulated hole and it's working pretty well. it's still hard--i have really bad time blindness, so it's hard to gauge how much of my time limit i've used for the day without repeatedly checking it. this definitely makes me anxious :( but i'm living through it. i've definitely used flow wayyyy too much but at least it's a puzzle game that works my mind! i AM going to keep trying to make myself do things that are Off my phone as well.

i've also started adhd meds, but they're non-stimulants, so it'll probably be a while before they work. we shall see...